Leaving Home to Go Home

 Are you excited to go home?

This is the question that has been ringing in my ears over the past few weeks. My initial response is always yes, but deep down in my soul that question holds a heavy weight. I am so ready to go back to my family because they are my best friends. I am ready to sleep in my own bed after hugging my sibings and parents goodnight and getting goodnight kisses from our puppy. I am so ready for that. But THAT is home. I have learned over the past 8 months that home is not a building. The people inside of the building are what make that building home. 

During this trip, when asked if I missed home, I would always say, "I miss my family." This made me realize something. In all of the countries I have visited, I have seen at least one family who did not have a building to call home. Yet, without fail, those people were often the happiest people I have ever met. I have come to conclude that it is because they have learned the secret. Home doesn't come with an address or pretty furniture; it comes with the people who make your heart warm and fuzzy. The people you get sleepy around because your nervous system knows it is safe. That is home, and yes, I am so excited for that. 

But there is also a level of grief hitting me about going back to the United States. I have nerves about what returning might look like, and I am sad to close out this journey. I am not the same Margeaux that I was in June in the best possible way, and I am not exactly sure what that means for me as I return to my own country. I have learned so much. I am a lot less stressed than I used to be and much more fun to be around. I finally realize the value of loving myself and that it gives me so much more love to pour out to others. I am now excited for my future, whereas before I left, I never wanted to grow up. I now know how to listen to my body way better, and I honor it when it tells me it needs rest. I take joy in quiet moments, because those are the ones that show you the most about yourself. 

I've also learned that I do in fact like hot water and AC is pretty nice from time to time. I also now see the pure beauty in having the ability to go to Target, get a coffee, and walk around with it in my hand. (you can't do that at the mall here.) I've recognized the luxury it is to have a car, and I will look forward to having the ability to go place to place without calling an Uber everytime.... that is if I remember how to drive. Pray for me!🤪 I used to say that I really didn't need a lot of clothes and that I only needed to dress up once in a while. Turns out, I actually love getting dressed up and I am beyond grateful for the closet of clothes I will return home to. 

So back to the question, "are you excited to go home?" Well if we follow my definition that home is the people who make a house a home, then YES. That hug, surrounded by my five favorite people, is going to be incomparable. But also, if we are following that definition, I am leaving home behind too. A host family that loves me to death, nurses who have kindly explained things to me when doctors were too busy, baristas who know my name and my order, a host sister that lights up my day no matter what is going on, and a sweet sweet boyfriend, who loves me more than I could ever imagine. Not to mention this isn't the first home I have left behind. I also have homes in India and Thailand now. What a blessing.

I am leaving home to go home. If I told you this was all easy, I would 100% be lying. I'm really good at sugar coating things and just saying, "I'm fine." But I can't do that this time. I feel all of the emotions I could ever feel and it's really strange. I'm excited, nervous, sad, and a little bit sheel-shocked that this time is over. But despite these emotions, I am overwhelmingly grateful that I do now have so many homes in so many corners of the earth. If you were one of the people I met along this journey, I am sending you hugs and miss you dearly. Thank you for supporting me on the days when I thought I couldn't go on anymore. And if you are one of the people who cheered me on the entire way from afar, I can't wait to hug you soon. 

This is not the end of Margeaux's blogs. I still have a few that I am working on, and when I journey home, I will read the letter I wrote to my future self when I left, and I am going to write a letter back to her. 

I am thankful for each and every one of you. 

💜M